Our Youth - how do we help them?

 

The challenges our youth are facing right now are so much greater than what we see happening in the physical realm.

As if what we see physically happening to our kids and teens isn’t bad enough ... with skyrocketing suicide rates and self-harm, not to mention all the fear, anger and disconnection.  But there is more to it.

The entire human race is caught up in a battle for our souls that most of humanity is totally unaware of. Even those aware find it difficult to put into earthly words. To fathom and then explain the extent of the situation we are in, is enough to blow anyone’s mind.

This situation is far beyond physical. It is spiritual, in ways not many comprehend. We see it and feel it in the physical, but don’t be fooled… it is deeper and darker than just physical. 

I hope that many teens may be doing ok and this blog does not apply to your family if that's the case. Families with sound structure and in-built regular quality time together may be enjoying special closeness at this time. But from some of the parents I talk to, the uncertainty and fear around the current situation is creating cracks in even the tightest of families.

If your teen is struggling right now and you are unable to ‘reach’ them… 

Look at what is happening physically with them. What are they presenting (beyond anger, resentment, distress)?

Here is what I have seen. I hope it helps some other families who may be experiencing the same, and it is cathartic for me to put it into words. 

• Inside a lot – not in the sun – even on a beautiful day.
• When they do go in the sun they are often covered up. Hoodies, not allowing their skin to be exposed to the sun. This has not made sense to me in a long time, the current ‘fashion’ with our teens to wear oversized hoodies even on hot days. 
• Now they ‘must’ wear masks too and cover their faces. Faces that barely smile anymore – masked or not.
• Even kids who used to be outside a lot, I can rarely entice them outside. Like vampires, they stay inside, covered up, closed off. 
• Closed off from nature and light and connection with source.
• They are permanently ‘connected’ to their device. Try getting it out of their hands! Any luck? Nope. It’s like an appendage. It’s attached. Their need for permanent ‘digital connection’ is their cry – many parents believe the narrative, especially right now when so many are locked down. Even parents who are distressed by their kids phone addiction either lose the battle or have given up the fight.
  

Let’s talk sunlight and being in nature

We know that Vitamin D is essential for human health. This comes in from the sun being absorbed via our skin. Staying inside, whether due to gaming or phone addiction, laziness, apathy or fear of ‘catching c0vid’… being inside and getting pasty skin is way more harmful for their health than moving and stretching and getting outside absorbing some Vitamin D.

Let’s talk phone use and gaming

They think their phone or game is connecting them. But it is NOT real connection. Connection is turning it all off and looking each other in the eye and being in each other’s presence. It is playing, and walking and talking and laughing being present physically.

Being present is NOT sitting and looking at a screen. Constant phone checking is not being present. We have all been sold a lie. If you don’t believe me, watch The Social Dilemma. All the technology and apps we are now globally reliant on and addicted to have been deliberately created to suck our attention and then they sell our attention to the highest bidder.

Let’s talk physical activity

Less kids play sport now than ever before, and population-wise are overall less active and more overweight than ever. Kids can’t even use the local parks and playgrounds at some c0vid levels. How’s that for sucking the joy and stopping kids from being kids. Lessening free play, movement and development of gross motor skills. And it’s being replaced by sitting on iPads and phones. We all know that this is detrimental for their physical and mental development, right? What are we willing to do about it?

Let’s talk diet

Have you ever in your lifetime seen fast food (one reason we have an obesity epidemic) being used as a bribery tactic to get kids (and adults) to receive an experimental drug? Even if you believe the jab is ‘for the greater good’, surely many of you will experience a disquiet, a sickening feeling, when you see in the media that people are being bribed to get jabbed with free McDonalds, KFC, iPads. Parents know this more than most… bribery is a desperate measure. It’s a last resort. It stinks of desperation and corruption.

Bribery aside, the marketing messaging around food of no nutritional value aimed at kids (and us) is incessant. Junk food, energy drinks, highly manufactured 'food'. We ourselves strengthen the messaging! We ‘treat’ ourselves and our kids to food with no nourishment. We put things in our mouth to celebrate, numb, reward, and forget. I have done this also! When times are tough it’s hard enough for adults to eat well. We dive into junk food and alcohol (or worse) to numb, to ‘treat’ ourselves. So how on earth will our kids ever make a healthy choice if it isn't being role-modelled? And so we sabotage our physical health, and that of our children.

When it really hits the fan – what’s the solution provided?

When our youth are at the bottom of the pit… The Govt has a nifty solution. For our youth who are brave enough to reach out for help – to the school counsellor, or a helpline, or a friend… here’s where they often end up... They enter our VERY broken health or mental health system. 

I have personal experience of this system. I have never come across anything so very broken and destructive. It is soul-sucking for anyone who has entered it. Many of the people who work in this system are beautiful people who genuinely are trying their best. I'm not having a go at them. But the system is broken and under-resourced and the solutions are damaging us all.

You need a strong stomach and a will of steel when you're in this system. I have listened to countless parents saying they and their family were worse off after the experience than when they went in. My family story is no exception. I have come to refer it as 'the final nail in the coffin' in my family.

So, what can we, the parents, do?

Disclaimer: I am IN THE STORM right now with my own teens, so I am by no means able to provide anyone with a proven solution. But I did have a wake-up call after listening to my soul instead of just overthinking. If it helps someone, it was worth writing this.

It goes back to this. What we are experiencing is not just physical. It’s bigger. It’s SPIRITUAL. Doesn’t matter what line of spirituality you follow, it helps when you open up to the possibility that forces we can’t often understand are drawing our kids (and us) down into darkness, hopelessness, despair. We recognise the RESULT of this in their behaviour, but we can't pinpoint the reason our kids got there, can we?

How do we counter this spiralling down down down?

If you can identify with some or all of what I see in my teens… the reduction of sunlight and outside time, the excessive phone use, the lack of real connection, the lack of physical activity, the dietary habits that are not nourishing their bodies or minds, the general decline of positive energy… ponder that. Stop looking just at their anger, backchat, laziness.

You will have to be smart. Smarter than I've been. If you’re a two-adult family, talk about it together. Two heads are better than one. Appreciate being able to bounce ideas off each other. I’m a one-adult family and this part is so tough alone. (Hats off to all the single parents right now, your journey is that extra bit tougher, I salute you).

I thought I could talk mine into habit change, convince them I know better, share my experiences, give them facts to help them understand. But of course, that doesn’t work for adults, so why would it work for youth?

Today I tried a different, softer approach. Not cajoling, not bossing. I tried ‘inviting’, instead of criticising (I didn’t realise I had been criticising but really… I was, and it just made my child feel worse). I took a gentler approach, taking care to not be frustrated at what I am seeing. Softer, kinder.

I invited him outside. I waited until he was ready. We made small progress. He got outside. He took his hoodie off. He soaked up some sun rays. He moved. Then he went back to his phone. But then he got up and did some baking. Right now he’s making us dinner. I didn’t even ask him to.

Sounds like small things – but it’s a massive change from 24 hours ago. Allowing him the space to ‘be’. Inviting, instead of telling. 

Letting them feel the infinitely small positive lift. And believing it will have a positive effect.

Tiny changes. 

The butterfly effect. 

Keep mouth closed. Keep eyes and ears open. 

Look beyond the physical. This is deeply soul-led and spiritual. 

Give it a try... you don't have anything to lose. 💜 

And... HANG IN THERE. Shine your love and light. It creates positive vibrations. And THAT is where spiritual power lies.